


i will always find my way (back to you)

by superkara



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: ANTI KaraMel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, KaraxLena, Messy, Multiverse, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, but a fair share of angst is much needed, hold on your tiddies, im a sucker ofr happy endings, karlena, manuel is not allowed in this gay environment, no heteros allowed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:23:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superkara/pseuds/superkara
Summary: “Aren't you going to beg in that short skirt of yours, dear? Beg for your life?” Lena asked, slowly kneeling as well to get on Kara's level.Kara's head lifted up, studying Lena's expression before flashing the most genuine smile she could and answering coldly.“No.”the one in which Kara and Lena's relationship takes a drastic turn but an unexpected visit changes it all. Multiverse AU.





	i will always find my way (back to you)

**Author's Note:**

> Henlo this is a new story I wanted to try out, the whole idea behind it it's kind of crazy but all I can ask is for you to try and stick with me through the madness. Angst and rough times are to being expected, but I'm a sucker for happy endings so no worries, they'll get their own happy one. I won't keep you any longer, enjoy and feel free to comment or ask anything :)

  
  
" _It’s a beautiful day in National City dear listeners, the sun is high up in the sky and so is our local hero! No more alien ships, terror and fear, Supergirl once again saved the earth and we all shall be reminded and greatful…”_

 

 

 There isn’t a single station, even after almost two months since Daxamites left earth, that hasn’t been talking about her every day. The hero, the savior who put herself out there, who fought for them and won against their enemies.  
  
She isn’t ungreatful, she never saw herself as such, because isn’t that what being a hero is about? Sacrificing herself and being praised, people loving her, supporting her? Isn’t that the emotion that should be filling her chest instead of the now constant sorrow and emptiness?  
  
She isn’t ungreatful, she repeats to herself, but it feels a lot like it once she lays down, tears running free and slowly leaving a wet patch on her pillow, too tired to whipe them away.  
  
She isn’t ungreatful, but for once, she wishes she could be.

 

 

It’s the sun burning brighter in her eyes that tells her she’s gotten too far up, the atmosphere of the earth almost picking from behind the horizon, no more clouds around her but pure raw cold air, and she lets herself fall down just for a moment.  
But the feeling doesn’t last long, wind whistling at the contact with her cape signaling that she’s almost back on solid ground, and with a gentle flip of her legs she stops in the air, finally opening her eyes and looking around herself.

A laugh would have left her mouth at the irony, if a heavy sense of anxiety and panic wasn’t present in her stomach, her guts almost turning in pain pushing her hand to grip thight over the suit and the skin beneath, trying to warm it and make the feeling go away.  
  
But as many other times, it stays there, a bitter taste in her mouth as if her guts were about to spill all over at the sight of the building.  
  
She knew she had to leave, forcing herself not to use X-Rays, because she gave up didn’t she? She wasn’t about to pick at the top floor, searching for a familiar office, a familiar figure bent over the classy table in the most uncomfortable position, paper on top of papers filled with numbers and god knows what more. She wasn’t going to pick and make sure the figure ate something for lunch, if she was tired, stressed, upset. She wasn’t going to and she didn’t have the right to. Not anymore.

 

As if on cue, her earpiece started going off.  
  
“Yes?”

“ _Kara, there's a building on fire, 8_ _th_ _Avenue, Main Street_ ”

“I'm on my way, Alex”

 

 

With reluctance her feet lifted once again and flew her as fast as they could towards the fire. Not once did she turn around, L-Corp long gone behind and so her thoughts with it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I'm fine Alex, I already told you” she huffed, pushing the grocery bags through the apartment door while holding her phone with her shoulder.  
  
“No, I haven't been avoiding you.”

“No”

“Yes”

“I did! I called her I think...last week?” she tried to remember, a vague memory of a short conversation with Eliza flashing through her mind, but not quite clear.  
  
“I have, I mean, I need because I clearly burn a lot by flying?” she said, eyeing her last meal thrown across the kitchen table, untouched.  
  
“God Alex, I'm not a kid! I'm doing just fine here, me, Netflix and my bed. Best ménage à trois there could be, huh?”  
  
“Ok, bad joke I get it.”

“I will I promise, I'll come by...tomorrow, yeah?”  
  
“No, I won't make up another excuse. Yeah...Okay...Love you too!” Alex finally ended the call as she let herself fall back on the couch, bags long left near the counter, unpacked.

She was _fine_ , she really was. The more she repeated it to herself, the more it became believable. But not quite sure to whom, because once alone in the familiarity of the walls currently surrounding her, it would all come back crashing on her.

She sighed and opened her eyes.  
  
“What? Are you judging me as well?”

The stuffed bear on the other side of the room, pink bow on its left ear, old material but still so well cleaned up to not showing its old age, was carefully placed there, almost regarding her.  
  
“I know, ok? I fucked up, I really did this time.”

She thought it couldn't get worse after some time, but finding herself talking to a stuffed bear, that, was surely another level of insanity.  
But it wasn't just a bear, it wasn't even her bear to start with. She didn't dare move it nor touch it since the person it belonged to left it there carefully, in a sitting position, whispering a “take care of Kara” before heading out of the apartment.

 

She had heard her, obviously. A childish gesture, she told herself, but nonetheless one that made her lips lift upwards after what felt like weeks.  
  
She didn't dare move it nor touch it, and she would never do so. It felt like it belonged there, the only item she had left of someone who no longer walked in that apartment with a bag of groceries to make her day much brighter with only a smile.  
  
And with the same whispered words that the shadow left the bear sitting in that same position, she pushed herself off the couch, eyes still on the bear's plastic and shining ones, and headed to the kitchen.  
  
She would finally eat something today, she had to.  
  
And with her gaze still on the stuffed animal, she took the first bite off a potsticker.  
  
_Take care of Kara._

 

 

****

 

“ _Don't you think this is too much?”_

“ _I've never seen you complaining about food before, this must be really bad” she lifted her gaze, regarding Kara's face only to find a dull shine in her bright blue eyes.  
  
“I...”_

“ _Of course it is, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said that I...”_

“ _It's fine Lena, really. Also, I know you never really liked him” she tried to joke. Lena didn't smile thought.  
  
“I don't want my personal opinions to interfere with this Kara, I'm here to support you, no matter what.” she said softly._

“ _You are?”_

_Lena nodded.  
  
“I'll be your shoulder to cry on, as you've been one for me, deal?” _

“ _Deal” Kara beamed, a wave of pride in Lena's chest. It was hard to get a smile out of Kara since the day Supergirl pressed that button on the device Lena perfectioned.  
_

_Lead was still in the atmosphere. He wasn't going to come back.Not now, not in a long time.  
  
A feeling of relief filled Lena's chest the same way it did once the last Daxamite ship was long gone, but she pushed it quickly away. Kara needed her to be emphatic, not selfish.  
  
Not now, she told herself. Not now._

 

“ _Should we start with pizza or potstickers?” Kara asked her, after a long silence in which Lena hadn't said a word.  
  
“Uh...whatever you prefer, dear”  
  
“Potstickers it is then!” she grabbed the cinese paper plates, passing Lena one. “Bon apple the teeth” she muffled, mouth full.  
  
“What?” Lena's throaty laugh echoed in the room._

“ _Isn't that how you say it?” Kara asked in confusion.  
  
“B-o-n A-p-p-é-t-i-t, Kara” she said, still laughing and shaking her head in disbelief._

“ _That's what I said!”_

“ _Sure” Lena wiggled her eyebrows.  
  
“Oh shush” Kara glared at her, still a soft smile on her face._

_They watched Game of Thrones that night, with Lena occasionally screaming at the screen or hissing every time something she didn't quite like happened.  
  
Kara found that looking at Lena was way more interesting that whatever Sansa was doing in the garden. The way her eyes would blow out when something surprised her, the way she'd bite her lower lip in concentration and anxiety, the line of her furrowed eyebrows when she was confused. Her eyelashes, she had 134 on her left eye and 129 on her right one, the way they'd move at every blink, soflty touching her cheekbones, the way they'd..._

“ _If you take a picture, it'll last longer you know?”_

_Kara's eyes opened even wider. Busted._

“ _I...I'm sorry I...”  
  
“It's okay, I was just kidding.” Lena nudged her. Kara only nervously laughed. “I take that Game of Thones can be boring at times”_

“ _It's not that, I'm just...tired.” she lied.  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah I...I had a long day at CatCo and I didn't get much sleep last night” she lied again.  
  
“It's okay Kara, it's late anyway, and I should be really heading out now...” _

_She would have left it at it. It was easier, Kara told herself, to put a limit to their closeness. She couldn't let someone in again, someone who one day could leave her too. But the look of pure rejection on Lena's face did funny things to her stomach, a slight panic and urge to fix this taking over her mouth._

 

“ _No, wait. Can you stay until I fall asleep?” she asked, bright red creeping up her neck and settling on her cheeks, as Lena's eyes watched her closely, mouth slightly opened._

_But it hit Kara too late, the heavyness of said request. And before Lena could even reply, her mouth was already working its way faster than her brain could catch up._

“ _I shouldn't have asked oh my god, I must have sounded really desperate and childish, don't listen to me I just...sometimes I speak without thinking you know and...”_

“ _Kara”_

“ _I can be really clingy I don't even know why you still want to come here and hang out when I must be so annoying...”_

“ _Kara”_

“ _You should just leave, I'll make sure to be less of a bourden, I mean we'll still hang out but I'll be less...”  
  
“Kara! I will, of course I will stay” Lena raised her voice, putting Kara's rumble to a stop. “Your words vomit was cute, but you should never doubt my willingness to stay by your side. I promised I was going to be here for you, and tha's exactly what I'm going to do.” she said softly, one of her hands covering Kara's in her lap.  
  
“Thank you” Kara smiled. And it was enough for them to get up and head towards Kara's bedroom. She laid on her side of the bed, the right one, while Lena casually sat with her back to the headboard, watching Kara curling herself around one of her legs. Blonde locks sprawled on Lena's lap, her hand moving to touch them, fingers running through them earning a humm from Kara.  
  
They stayed like that until Kara felt her own body relax._

_In the darnkess of her closed eyelashes, the image of Lena was the last thing her brain impressed before slumber came for her.  
  
For the first time in weeks, dreams did not have the shape of a pod disappearing in the horizon, a necklace that no longer hang around her neck. This time, a pair of green concerned eyes were all she could see and feel. It felt warm, it felt safe.  
  
It felt a lot like home._

 

****

It was the annoying and repetitive sound of her phone that made her blink rapidly, eyes still heavy with sleep, head in a haze of confusion.  
  
She tried to focus her sight, head lifting up from her folded arms. The kitchen table. She must have fallen asleep a little after dinner, more than half of the pack of potstickers left untouched.  
  
A sigh.

 

It wasn't the first time, really, that she'd fallen asleep in the weirdest position or place, her mind wandering somewhere else, remembering happy times seemed like the only way she could get sleep lately.  
  
But before she could once again get lost in what seemed the repetitive circle that her life has turned into in the past months, she remembered her phone, still ringing in her ears as if the person on the other end has been calling for hours. Persistently.

With a groan she got up from the kitchen stool and located the phone.  
  
Under the couch. Amazing.

Figuring how it had ended down there didn't seem like an option once Alex's name appeared on the screen, next to 23 unread messages. Kara's heart dropped a little.  
  
Alex was never the type who'd panic, at least not when the situation was a common one, but not even then she'd call her these many times. And that's when the same feeling of dread came back in her guts, her hands started trembling slightly.  
  
It was too familiar, way too familiar. The phone ringing, another voice on the other end telling her Alex was in danger, Maggie's pale face asking what was wrong. No. Not again.

With every will in her body she managed to press the green icon of the call, and speak with shaky voice, the air coming in and out of her lungs in a worrying pace.

  
“Alex?”  
  
  
“Kara? I've been calling you so many times!”  
  
  
“Oh thank Rao you're fine” she sighed loudly, head thrown back looking up at the ceiling. Alex was fine. Breathe.

  
“Did you think...?”  
  
  
“Yes, I'm sorry...I just, it was too familair. Like a bad déjà vu” she admitted.

  
“Oh Kara, I'm fine really. And I'm sorry for calling you like this, I know you haven't been doing well with the whole Mon-El thing but...”

  
It was curious, the way it surprised her when Alex mentioned him. Because scarily enough he hasn't crossed her mind in days, her thoughts completely taken by someone else.  
Scarily because she was supposed to be sad, and she has been, she had cried, suffered, and she knew it was normal, she knew Alex would have never judged her, not even in 5 years if she were still to be destroyed by his departure. But the problem was that, honestly enough, the reason for her sadness was not him anymore.  
  
Not since someone else mended her wounds and made her way in Kara's heart, to then leave her as well.  
  
  
“Yeah...right”

 

  
“...but we really need you here Kara, something's happening and we don't know what to do...” Alex's voice trailed off. She wasn't telling her all there was.

  
“What is it about?”  
  
  
“Just fly here, I promise I'll tell you everything”  
  
  
“Alex...”  
  
  
“See you soon Kara” and the line went silent.  
  
  
Damn it Alex.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She was at the DEO shortly after, hair kind of a mess and cape not ironed enough, but she found herself not giving a fuck. The whispers of the other agents and wary looks they were throwing her way, just made her steps grow fast and stronger, until she was in front of a worried Alex and a seemingly nervous J'onn.  
  
  
“Hey” Alex hugged her tightly and held for longer than usual.  
  
“Hey” she hugged back closing her eyes. She had missed this, missed Alex.  
  
  
Once they stepped away from each other Alex's eyes found hers, trying to read whatever sign of tiredness or night spent crying. Her shoulders relaxed when she found none. Kara guessed that nap on the kitchen table did help with something.  
  
  
“So...are you two going to tell me what's going on?”  
  
  
Alex eyed J'onn, who shook his head. “Winn will explain it all, he's the one who saw the signal first” J'onn pointed.  
  
And fairly enough, the guy was at his computer, fingers typing fastly as the screens in front of him seemed to take life.  
  
  
“I don't really know how to tell you this Kara, but there's a huge concentration of Kryptonite coming from a specific side of the town and...” he started explaining.  
  
  
Kara's eyebrows furrowed, the screen in front of her showing the city. Each point of it a plain grey/black color until her eyes settled on the circle of green steadily glowing, its color moving on the screen as a beating heart, growing in intensity as the seconds went by.  
  
It didn't take Kara long to realize they didn't tell her yet where the Kryptonite was coming from, and by the look on each of their faces she knew the answer wasn't going to be a pleasant one.  
  
  
“What specific side of town, Winn?”

“I...I mean it could be always wrong you know, maybe the coordinates are not...”  
  
  
“Winn”

  
His shoulders dropped. “L-Corp, last floor. Luthor's office.”  
  
  
Her knees buckled, she was sure they were going to give up any second. “Are you sure?” she asked, eyes closed as her breathing started to work up again.  
  
  
“He is, Kara. We checked multiple times and each time it came from the same place, I'm sorry...” Alex tried, only to be stopped by Kara's hand waving them to stop.  
  
  
The throbing in her temple was getting harder and she felt like her head would explode if someone else started talking.  
  
The Kryptonite was coming from Lena's office, the center of it, in her office. A chill ran up her back at the idea that she could be hurt, that she could be the target of someone much bigger trying to get to her through Lena.  
  
  
But it didn't seem like the thought that crossed every other person's mind in this place. She opened her eyes and looked at Alex

  
“She'd never hurt me...she wouldn't”  
  
  
“Kara I know but...”  
  
  
“No! She could be hurt, she could be tied up while someone else is there! I don't know Alex she could be dead by now, did you even check? Did you even...””  
  
  
“Kara you know this is not what is happening”  
  
  
“How can you be so sure? You don't even _know_ her, _no one_ here knows her the way I do” Kara raised her voice, her straight posture long gone leaving her leaning down one of the steps leading to the main monitors.  
  
  
“She'd never hurt me...she'd never _hurt_ me. Not the way I hurt her” she murmured, head burried in her arms, knees pressed to her chest and fists clenched.

 

****

 

_She was flying through the window of her apartment, suit ripped on her sleeves, face and hands covered in thick black soot, the smell of smoke still in the air.  
  
She saved them all, one of the biggest fires ever seen in National City, but she did it. The people involved were now safe and on their way to the hospital where they would take care of them properly. _

 

_Kara left shortly after making sure that the last residues of smoke were gone, the fire stopped leaving only ashes and the scheletons of the buildings it took over.  
  
Her attemp of taking the stained boots off was quickly put to alt by a knock on her door, a quick check behind the it made her stumble and almost fall, catching herself at last and fastly moving outside the balcony, flying just inches away from the window.  
  
She'll go away, Kara told herself.  
  
What she didn't expect though, was Lena using the spare keys she gave her weeks ago in case of emergency. Idiot.  
_

“ _Kara?”  
  
  
The other woman came in looking around herself, waiting for Kara to come out of her bedroom or any other room, sleepy face clutching her pillow. It was late after all, but Lena's face fell at the sight of the empty apartment._

_Kara cursed herself, still watching the woman behind the window, thankfully covered by white blinds. What caught Kara's attention though, was Lena's outfit, pencil thight skirt and a button up perfectly ironed long sleeved shirt.  
  
She was leaving today. _

_Kara completely forgot about Lena's work voyage, a couple of days nothing more. But it downed on Kara, the familiar guilt, after days upon days of ignoring the other woman. She had promised her she'd come by her office and wish her a safe flight, something Lena cared about, saying Kara was her little charm.  
  
What Kara didn't expect to see was Lena slowly pulling out of her bag a stuffed animal. A bear.  
  
It didn't take much for Kara to realize it was the same one Lena had told her about weeks ago. It was her father's, the first gift she ever got from him and the last she kept from her miserable childhood.  
  
She confided to Kara that she always took the bear with her whenever she needed support, it reminded her of one of the few people who truly cared about her. She'd sleep with him, Kara remembered it, laying positioned on Lena's couch and ocasionally in the other woman's bedroom.  
  
She'd remembered it from the numerous times she had to carry a sleeping Lena to bed, her hands almost automatically seeking the warmth of the stuffed animal.  
  
With that image in her head she focused on Lena again, a sigh leaving the woman's lips before she carefully put the bear next to one of the tables near the kitchen. She caressed the animal's ear._

 

“ _Take care of Kara”_

 

 

_Were her last words before heading out and locking the door, leaving glossy blue eyes and quivering lips holding back sobs.  
  
  
That was the last time Lena ever stepped in her apartment. The bear still in its place. Untouched.  
_

_****_

 

 

Kara's trembling shoulders made Alex snap out of her thoughts. She remembered the last time Kara was this distressed and she had promised herself to do everything in her power to never see it again.  
  
  
But here she was, not knowing how to act or what to say.  
  
  
She didn't have to wait long though, Kara suddenly getting up, cheeks still stained with tears, but a determined look in her eyes.  
  
  
“Don't you even think about it” Alex breathed out before Kara could make another step.  
  
  
“She could be in danger, I'm not going to sit here”

  
“Kara, it's Kryptonite!”  
  
  
“You think I don't know that? It's Lena, Alex. She wouldn't hurt me willingly, I know that” she desperately tried to convince Alex, eyes filling with unshed tears of frustration.  
  
  
“I know it's her, but you two haven't talked since...”  
  
  
Kara's eyes darkened and it was enough for Alex to stop talking. She knew they haven't seen each other in weeks, she knew it damn it. But she trusted Lena, she knew the woman had nothing but good intentions in herself.  
She'd seen her hurt, she knew how broken Lena could be, but she would always see the best in her, hoping the darkness didn't take over her this time either. Praying Lena was stronger than that, than her.  
  
  
“I'm going whether you agree or not. Send people with me, but make sure they stay outside. I don't want to have to worry about them too” she demanded.  
  
  
Alex nodded, seeking confirmation from J'onn who fastly enough gathered their best agents, everyone ready to set off while Kara was already lifting herself off the ground, one last glance towards Alex.  
  
  
“I'm coming the second something isn't right, Kara” Alex stated, strong brown eyes locking with Kara's.  
  
  
“I wouldn't have expected anything less” she smiled, leaving in a blurry of red and blue.

 

* * *

 

 

She could feel it, the closer she got to the building, the weaker she could feel herself. Her usual fast flying pace drastically gone, leaving her floating much lower, and with it her X-Rays couldn't properly focus on seeing what was happening on the top floor of L-Corp.  
  
With a clumsy tud she landed in front of it, sensing the agents and still hearing their cars coming to a stop, a quick glance behind her and a faint “call Alex if you hear any major explosions”, before she was heading in, cape moving with the sway of her legs dragging themselves on the cold floor of the loby.  
  
It was empty. No sign of workers nor any other personal, which in this case to Kara's relief was for the best. Less people to worry about.  
  
She could feel it clearly now, the familiar burning in her chest whenever she got closer the green material, but in that moment she couldn't tell if the source of the pain was the material itself or the creeping sensation of hope leaving her body as she kept walking towards the elevator.  
  
Once the doors of it closed in front of her, she was left with four mirror walls, her face in each one of them, tired glossy eyes, curve shoulders and the stance of a hero gone, left behind as she stripped herself of her Supergirl confidence and head held high.  
She was wearing her suit, her family crest and biggest pride, but under it was nothing more than a broken person, the shadow of someone she used to be.  
  
She pressed the n.23 and waited with eyes closed.

 

_Ding. Ding. Ding._

 

When she opened them again, she was facing the last floor. Jess' desk on the far right corner, empty as well, no papers nor any personal belongings on it. It did nothing but increase her worries.  
  
If the sight of Lena's office door, dark strong wood, wasn't enough to bring her back to the reality of the situation, the weakness of her limbs did. The sparkling bright green was visible from under the door, rays of it filtring through the slit of it and hitting the top of Kara's boots.

She came to a stop, trying her best to listen to any motion in the office. But silence is all she got, no muffled sounds, no threatening voice nor rumours of objects moving, and all of her biggest fears came crashing back on her.  
  
Flying there looked like the only option, but finding herself there, in front of Lena's door now, seemed like the dumbest and most careless one she could have ever taken. Alex's words sounding in her head. She should have waited, she should have left the agents take care of it.  
  
But she was there now, weaker as ever, both in mind and body, hopeless, about to enter the wolves cave, letting herself be eaten while doing nothing to fight back. She wasn't quite sure if she even cared about getting out of there alive.

 

And with a last deep breath she opened the door. Green engulfing her completely, but she didn't dare look up.

 

She didn't need to, because the next thing she heard was the oh so familiar voice she hasn't heard in weeks, every trace of softness gone from it, replaced with an ice cold sharpness.  
  
  
“Oh hello _Supergirl_. What a surprise seeing you here”

  
That's when Kara dared look up.  
  
Long slim legs perfectly crossed, her figure casually sitting on the couch clutching a Kryptonite stone the size of a soccer ball. But what made Kara's guts drop further wasn't the intensity of said stone, but the pleased, almost _sadistic_ look in Lena's eyes.  
  
A strained and creepy smile on her red lips, white teeth grazing the bottom one before she spoke again, voice as cold as ice.  
  
  
“We should start before it gets too late, don't you think, _Kara?”  
_

 

 

****

_She hasn't heard from Lena in two days. Two full days and as much as she was trying to put a distance between them, the same fear of getting attached, fear that Lena would leave like everyone else did, it was still strange not hearing from the other woman, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't think something bad had happened._

_It's been quiet lately, no alien emergency, no bank robberies, the DEO was quiet and Alex even took a vacation with Maggie, Kara couldn't really remember then name of the place. Mexico or something along that. Alex always loved exploring places she has never been to before, which left Kara alone, again._

_Lonelyness seemed like the only constant in her life for the past months, with the intrusive presence of Lena who somehow managed to make her way into Kara's life on a daily basis, be it in person or with little reminders that she was there for her, in every moment of the day. She was sure that, if she had called her at 3am, asking for Lena to bring her takeout from a nearly impossible Chinese restaurant, she'd find her at 3:35am in front of her door, two takeout bags in hand and a tired smile on her face._

_  
That's why this sudden silence from the other woman had Kara's guts turning unpleasantly.  
  
She tried calling her, but the dead line on the other side told her Lena's phone was turned off, her worries only grew bigger. That's when she decided to go in person, putting on the same clothes she wore at CatCo that same morning, she made her way outside and took the bus. The drive to L-Corp did nothing but make her even more nervous once she got off of it, hands gripping the small purse.  
  
  
Her steps were unsure through the loby, all the workers minding their own business as everyone was fine, which calmed Kara a little, helping her get to the elevator without her knees turning into jelly.  
  
  
The familiar n.23 lighted up when she pressed it, the elevator going up faster than she remembered it, or those were just her nerves getting the best of the situation._

_  
  
Ding. Ding. Ding._

_  
  
And in no time she was in front of Jess' desk, who was having a heated conversation with someone on the other line.  
  
  
“I'll tell her you called” Kara caught little glimps of what was said, until Jess put an end to it and gave her attention.  
  
  
“Hey Kara” a genuine smile followed. She liked Jess, she took care of Lena much deeply than any other secretary, it reminded her somehow of what she had with Ms. Grant.  
  
  
“Hey! Is uhm...Lena inside?”  
  
  
“Yes but...” she eyed Kara before whispering, “she hasn't been in a good mood the whole day, she told me to cancel all of her meetings, I don't think it's a good idea for you to see her right now.” she added apologetically.  
  
  
Kara would have listened if she hadn't heard a crash coming from the inside, her hearing picking up the sound of glass breaking and a body falling back on the couch.  
  
She was inside in no time, leaving Jess behind screaming her name, but nothing really mattered once she opened the door finding Lena on the couch in fetal position, knees touching her chest and tears running down her cheeks. A glass of wine laying broken on the floor. _

_  
She closed the door behind her. A confused Jess left behind the desk, eyes wide with worry.  
  
  
“Lena?”  
  
  
She tried to get closer, step by step to not scare her away. But the second green eyes opened and saw who they had before them, Lena jerked away from the couch, her feet taking her as far away from Kara as the room allowed._

  
“ _Stay away from me” she whispered, “stay the fuck away from me”_

  
“ _I...Lena what happened?” Kara's mouth went dry, and she prayed Rao, she begged for it to be anything but what Lena's face was telling her.  
  
  
“What happened?” Lena laughed drily, “what do you think happened, Kara? Or should I call you Supergirl?” she asked, one of her eyebrows perfectly raised as she crossed her arms protectively.  
  
  
It felt like a slap. The way she said her name, or should she say the name of her alter ego, pure loathing and venom in her tone. Eyes staring into hers almost trying to get out whatever reason, anything that would make things better, but soon those same green eyes looked away.They didn't find what they were searching for._

  
“ _I...”_

  
“ _Oh no, you won't be talking today, dear.” she said, back turned to Kara while looking at the now darker sky as the blanket of the night was covering it. “You will listen to all I have to say, and then maybe, I'll let you tell me one thing. Only one.”_

_  
She couldn't see Kara behind, squirming in place, lips quivering with fear of whatever Lena was going to say.Quivering because she could feel it, she knew somehow this day would come, she knew one more person was about to walk out of her life, and leave her alone._

  
“ _I'm an idiot you know?” she started, steady voice void of any emotion which earned a chill running down Kara's back. “It was right in front of me all this time. It's a pair of glasses and a ponytail for Christ's sake, it doesn't take a genius” she laughed at the irony of it.  
  
  
“But you see, while you were lying to me, I was lying to myself” she added while turning around and facing Kara again.  
  
  
The blonde tried to speak only to be stopped again.  
  
  
“Ah. Ah. Ah. What did I say?” she narrowed her eyes, Kara's mouth fastly closing. “I'm not like you Kara, I won't let you explain, I won't give you that privilege. I've been fucked over all my life by as many people as one can't even keep track on, and I'm an idiot first of all for ever letting you this close to me.” she spat.  
  
  
It hurt, every single word hurt like a dagger.  
  
  
“But you know that, right? Or should I just start accepting that the friendship we had was a big lie as well? Should I doubt all those nights spent talking, opening up?”  
  
Kara wanted to answer, wanted to scream that everything was true, that everything was the realest thing she had felt in a very long time. That her emotions were true, as true as the increasing of her heart beat with every word that left Lena's lips._

_But Lena didn't let her, fastly filling the silence again with her voice.  
  
“It was thanks to Lex that I found out.” she started, carefully watching the way Kara's eyes widened. “He kept track of your cousin and everything he did since they met and...” she took a deep breath, “he documented the landing of another alien in a similar pod to Clark's...it wasn't difficult to track down whom it belonged to.” she finished, voice getting smaller as every emotion from fear to defeat passed on Kara's face._

  
“ _I...”  
  
  
“I trusted you, I really did Kara.” Lena interrupted her once again. “I'm not sure if the hurt comes from your betrayal, your not trusting me enough to even let me know who you really are, or the way I so carelessly dived heart first into this...this friendship with you.” she admitted, glossy green eyes locking with baby blues and Kara's heart broke a little more.  
  
  
Lena's shoulders started shaking again, eyes falling to the ground.  
_

“ _I'll ask you that one thing now” she said, voice breaking before she whispered, “why didn't you tell me, Kara?” and she looked up, tears running down her cheeks and if that wasn't enough for Kara's own eyes to fill with tears, the way Lena was cluthing at her own small figure, definitely was.  
  
  
Kara wanted to tell her how scared she was of people leaving her, how Lena was the only person she could be herself with, not Supergirl, not Kara the reporter, but Kara Zor-El, in her own way. She wanted to tell her that she never trusted someone as much as she trusted Lena, how her last name never stopped Kara from giving that woman all of her trust and faith, how she saw her as a constant support, the rock that would always be there in her life, keeping her on the ground. She wanted to tell her how afraid she was that this might be the last time they would talk, that Lena would allow her to come anywhere near her. She wanted to say that and much more, but all that came out was a whisper.  
  
“I'm sorry” she sobbed out, breaking completely as her glasses fell on the ground, hands desperately rubbing at her cheeks trying to stop the tears. “I'm so sorry Lena.”  
  
“That's all you have to say? That you're sorry?” Lena's voice was sharp, stains of tears still visible on her now reddened cheeks. “Are you not going to give me at least one good reason?” she scoffed.  
  
And Kara tried, thoughts running through her mind, one more frightening than the other, and each one leading her to a negative response from Lena. “I do I just...I don't know how to...I...” she tried again but failed.  
  
  
“Get out.”_

  
“ _No Lena, I promise I'll explain just give me some time-”  
  
_

_“I said, get out”  
  
  
Panic washed over Kara, hands clutching the hem of her cardigan, ready to get on her knees and beg for Lena to ler her explain, to give her time to gather whatever thoughts her mind was trying to come up with.  
  
“Lena please...”  
  
“GET OUT!” she screamed, voice breaking completely. The echo of the scream still lingering in the silent office, Kara couldn't even hear her own heart beating in her ears.  
  
With her head down she got up, clumsily collecting her glasses from the floor and putting them on, not before whiping away the tears with the back of her hands.  
  
Kara dragged her feet towards the door while feeling Lena's eyes on her back, and before pulling the handle, she turned around one last time.  
  
“I'm sorry” it was a whisper, if it weren't for the silence of the room she would have sworn that Lena didn't hear her, but the way green eyes looked down and away from Kara, let her know she did._

_With one last glance at the now sitting figure bent over the desk, clutching work papers in hand, Kara made her way out._

 

_She came back to L-Corp days later, eyes puffy and tired, hair a mess and not matching socks. A “Miss Luthor denied your access to her office from now on. I'm sorry, Kara” is all she got, before a guard escorted her out of the building.  
  
  
She had lost Lena for good.  
  
_

 

 

****

 

If Kara thought the look Lena gave her the last time they saw each other, ironically enough in this same office, the one Lena was giving her now was worth all the chills and goosebumps on her skin. Void grey eyes, that old spark of green, of light, seemed replaced by a sea in the middle of a storm. Strong, overwhelming but so very grey and ominous.  
  
“Aren't you going to ask me why?” Lena ironically questioned, not expecting an answer but purely enjoying the look of desperation on Kara's face. “Sweet scared Kara, the misunderstood hero, the martyr” she smirked.  
  
The last line snapping something in Kara, shoulder slightly lifting. “What the hell happened to you?” she dared, watching closely Lena's reaction.  
  
What she didn't expect though was the bitter and throaty laugh coming from the other woman and filling the room. Her stare locked with Kara's, her heels clicking on the floor as she made small steps towards Kara, Kryptonite still in hand.  
  
“What happened?” Lena repeated, faking a contemplating expression, as she now stood in front of Kara. “I opened my eyes” she whispered, few inches now dividing them.  
  
And Kara was on the floor.  
  
  
Knees giving up and hitting the cold floor with a tud, hair cascading over her face, fists clenching but not nearly as strong as before, focusing it all on trying to stay upright, not completely falling at Lena's mercy.  
  
  
“Aren't you going to beg in that short skirt of yours, dear? Beg for your life?” Lena asked, slowly kneeling as well to get on Kara's level.  
  
  
Kara's head lifted up, studying Lena's expression before flashing the most genuine smile she could and answering coldly.  
  
  
“No.”  
  
  
Lena's face faltered, eyebrows furrowing slightly, but it was fastly gone, replaced by a smirk as one of her hands grabbed Kara's throat while the other, cluthing the  
stone, came closer to Kara's chest.  
  
  
“Why not?”

 

  
And Kara smiled again.  
  
  
“There's not much left to live for anymore” was all she said. Her fist unclenched and her arms dropped at her sides.  
  
The grip on her throat getting stronger as the burn in her chest increased, she could almost feel the tip of the stone next to her heart, but she kept smiling. She thought about Alex, how she knew she wouldn't be leaving her alone, she knew Maggie would be taking care of her. She thought about J'onn, about Winn and James. She thought about Lucy, how they never really said goodbye, but then again the best goodbyes are the ones not shared.  
  
She thought about how that explosion never came, how the agents on the first floor were unaware of her position, how no one would know she died like a coward, by the hands of a Luthor. Not a common Luthor, but her best friend.  
  
  
She'd die with Lena's eyes beeing the last thing she'd ever see, and she found herself at peace.  
  
  
Green.  
  
  
Was the sparkle she saw as the stone came even closer to her skin.

  
Green.  
  
  
Were Lena's glossy eyes now, unsaid words pouring from them and Kara knew she already forgave her for what she was about to do.  
  
  
Green.  
  
  
And an explosion.  
  
  
The room filled with light before Kara could process what was going on, and it ended as fast as it came. Lena blinked in surprise.  
  
  
“Oh, I found you finally!” a voice came from behind them, startling both Kara and Lena. The hand around Kara's neck loosening as Lena's eyes widened.  
  
  
“Who the hell are you?”  
  
  
“Miss Luthor, I expected a much better welcome from such a...classy woman I would say” the man spoke again.  
  
That's when Kara finally really focused on him. Tall, black suit, brown curly hair and a smirk in place.  
  
  
“The Music Meister?” she asked in disbelief.

“Ah, I'm glad someone does remember me” he put a hand on his chest, mockingly. “You must be wondering what I'm doing here, huh?”

  
He stared at them, waiting for a reaction from both women, but that's when he truly focused on them, both on their knees, clearly distressed, Kryptonite glowing between them.  
  
  
“I take that I came right in time” he mumbled, “and as sorry as I am of interrupting this...intimate encouture, we need to get to the real business” he stated.  
  
  
“What business?” Lena finally spoke, eyes still wide in surprise. She witnessed the man coming out of a green light, she felt like all of it was a bad joke.  
  
  
“Oh dears, I have no time to explain, but if you must know, I made a mistake some time ago, one regarding Miss Kara Zor-El” he explained, eyes focusing on Kara. “One that I'm now going to fix.”  
  
  
Before both of them could object, he raised one of his hands. “No time for complains, everything will be explained in due time. And now, if you'd please stop staring at me, I'd like to leave. We're kind of late” he huffed.  
  
  
“Late?” both Kara and Lena asked.  
  
  
He just rolled his eyes. Fingers snapping before another green light appeared in the room swallowing the three figures, to then close on itself, leaving an empty office.  
  
Footsteps running towards the door were the only rumour on the floor.  
  
  
“Kara? Are you ok?” Alex kicked the door with her foot before entering the office, chest heavy and hands holding a gun tightly.  
  
  
She watched with wide eyes as there was no sign of Kara. One single Kryptonite stone thrown on the floor, still glowing.  
  
  
She took her phone out of the back pocket. As soon as an answer came, she spoke.  
  
  
“J'onn? The office is empty, they're _gone.”_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Messy, right? Oh well, there's more to come and I'll hopefully explain it all next chapter! come talk to me on tumblr or twitter, i'm @karagaynvers. Till next time :)


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